The Wind Waker: Modern Aged!
by Tears of Mortals
Summary: This is a fic made by the younger author for this pen name. It's a parody, but with guns. Modern aged. Whatever. Tried to be funny but too serious...sob
1. Beginning: Outset Island!

CHAPTER ONE:  
  
() This chapter is a bit altered so that it would seem more "modern", more "today". Whatever -- ()  
  
"Long ago, there existed a city where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with tall buildings, hard-working factories, and money. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the city. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand, a teen clothed in a green shirt and green jeans appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding the Gun of Evil's Bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the city light. This teen, who traveled through time to save the industries, was known as the Hero of Time. The teen's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend. But then a day came when the stock market fell across the city. The great evil that all had thought had been forever sealed away by the Hero once again crept forth from the depths of the prison camp, eager to resume its dark designs.  
  
"The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them. But the Hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of taxes, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate. What became of that city...? None remain who know. The memory of the city vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. On a certain island, it became customary to grab teenaged boys in green when they came of age. Clothed in the green of dollar bills, they aspired to find heroic guns and shoot down evil. The elders only wished for the kids to know courage like the Hero of legend..."  
  
() A/N: This is in script format, so if you hate script format, LEAVE!  
  
By the way...  
  
{ and } = actions  
  
( and ) = random notes  
  
[ and ] = thoughts  
  
AND Juliet = da sun (INSIDE JOKE ) ()  
  
Aryll: {pulls out Telescope (even though she has perfectly good vision) and looks around at watchtower. Sees big brother on watchtower. Runs towards it. Stops at the bottom} 'Hoooooooooooy!  
  
Link: {grunts}  
  
Aryll: {Climbs up ladder} Big Brother, wake up!  
  
Link: {Stands up and yawns} What do you want?  
  
Aryll: It's a special day!  
  
Link: Special as in extraordinary or special as in special ed?  
  
Aryll: Err, both. Anyways, it's your birthday!  
  
Link: {Eyes open wide} Ooh, how do you know that! You must be a physic! And how come this day is special as in special ed?  
  
Aryll: I know that it's your birthday 'cause it says so on the calendar, thickhead! It's a special as in special ed day 'cause you're special in that way!  
  
Link: {smiles because he has no idea what's going on} Oh, yeah, I knew THAT.  
  
Aryll: {rolls her eyes} Um, Grandma wants you. DON'T ASK ME WHY JUST GO AND SEE HER!  
  
Link: Okay. {Climbs down ladder and runs across to Grandma's house. He entered the house and climbs the ladder up to where Grandma is. (Or "Gran" as I will call her)}  
  
Gran: Oh, Link, happy birthday!  
  
Link: It's my birthday? Ooh, how do you know that! You must be a physic!  
  
Gran: [Why does my grandson have to be such an idiot?] No, you put it on the calendar.  
  
Link: How do you know about that one? Are you phycis-er than Aryll?  
  
Gran: SHUTTUP I HAVE TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT!  
  
Link: {shuts up}  
  
Gran: FINALLY. Now, take these clothes. {gives Link green clothes}  
  
Link: Green socks, green sneakers, green t-shirt, green jeans, green sweatshirt, green baseball cap – green UNDERWEAR? Grandma, I haven't changed my underwear since I was six!  
  
Gran: [Ew! What a gross-o-mondo kid! Why do I have to have such an idiot for my grandson?] Well, sweetie, maybe you should change underwear...  
  
Link: [I guess I should. These have poop stains all over.] Fine! I will change my undies! But only because they're a present! {Changes clothes}  
  
Gran: {Points to "honorary" bullet proof shield} When I was alive, boys who reaches your age were considered men and paid taxes and used guns! But now only Orca knows how to cock a gun. One ancient custom is to put your bullet proof items on the wall!  
  
Link: Interesting though the Stone Age was, do you have to talk about it?  
  
Gran: {hits Link} Go and play with Aryll while I make dinner for your woeful day of birth! [What an idiot! Goddesses, can't he try to learn to count! I was born in the ICE AGE, not the STONE AGE!]  
  
Link: {Runs away from Grandma and goes to the watchtower}  
  
Aryll: 'Hoy! Because it's your birthday, I think I'll give you my most prized possession for a day.  
  
Link: {Eyes wide} Ooh, you'll give me your tarot cards?  
  
Aryll: {bashes Link over the head with her Telescope} YOU IDIOT! I'M NOT A PHYSIC!  
  
Link: Oh. {pauses} Then can I have your tarot cards?  
  
Aryll: I HAVE NO TAROT CARDS!  
  
Link: Oh. {pauses} Can I still have them?  
  
Aryll: {rolls her eyes and sighs angrily} Here, take the stupid Telescope for this stupid day. Now look around, fool!  
  
{Link puts the Telescope in his mouth}  
  
Aryll: Uhhhh...Link, put it at your eye.  
  
{Link pokes himself in the eye with the Telescope}  
  
Aryll: NO! Like this! {Shows Link the Idiot how to use a Telescope}  
  
Link: {eyes wide} Ooh, how did you know that! You must be a physic!  
  
Aryll: {slaps Link in the face} NO!  
  
Link: Oh. {pauses} You SURE I can't have any tarot cards?  
  
Aryll: No tarot cards!!!!!!  
  
Link: Okay. {Looks at house through telescope, then at mailbow}  
  
Aryll: He's a funny lookin' mailman, isn't it? Hey, what's up – aaah!  
  
Link: {looks up and sees the Helmaroc King with Tetra in its claws} Gasp!  
  
Aryll: No, you gasp, not say the word gasp.  
  
Link: Oh. {pauses} So I can't say gasp or have any tarot cards?  
  
Aryll: {ignores Link} Look at the helicopter! {Points to Tetra's helicopter, which is shooting missiles. A missile hits the Helmaroc King. The Helmaroc King falls down towards the Faerie Forest.} You gotta save that girl!  
  
Link: I will if you give me some tarot cards.  
  
Aryll: {hits Link} NO! JUST GO AND SAVE HER, IDIOT!  
  
Link: Okay. {climbs down ladder and runs to Orca's house} 'Hoy, Orca!  
  
Orca: What? Oh, I, err, I... {looks at script} Yeah, that's what I thought! Err-heh-heh-hem! Look, I can tell from the link on your face – I mean, Link, I can tell from the look on your face that you want a gun. Here, take this one! Ooh, I'll put on my bullet proof clothes and you can try to hit me!  
  
{They practice}  
  
Orca: LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! YOU SHOT MY WALLS! GET OUT!  
  
Link: {Shoots Orca in the stomach}  
  
Orca: HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!  
  
Link: Err, I was aiming for the wall and I hit you by accident...  
  
Orca: Whatever. Just leave.  
  
Link: So I can have the gun?  
  
Orca: Sure, whatever. JUST GO AND SAVE THAT CHICK IN THE FOREST!  
  
Link: Oh. {pauses} So can I have Aryll's tarot cards, too?  
  
Orca: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  
  
Link: [Touchy, touchy! Can't he take a – ] Orca, what's it called when you don't mean something and you talk about it in a funny way?  
  
Orca: A joke.  
  
Link: [Oh yeah!] {Heads out door} [Can't he take a joke?] {Runs up the path to the Forest of Faeries and pulls out switch-knife} Yeah! I knew this would come in handy, even if I never became a gangsta!  
  
{Link runs into the Forest of Faeries and sees a Bokoblin}  
  
Bokoblin: Haaaht!  
  
Link: Huh?  
  
Bokoblin: I said, "Hat". Can I have it?  
  
Link: {close to tears} No! I got it today!  
  
Bokoblin: Oh. Well, what if I gave you Aryll's tarot cards?  
  
Link: {eyes widen} Ooh, how did you know that...!  
  
Bokoblin: {slyly} I have my ways.  
  
Link: Are you a stalker?  
  
Bokoblin: [He found out! Must kill him!]  
  
Link: ANSWER ME! {Shoots the Bokoblin thrice and it dies} Rock on!  
  
{Link goes over to the log in the center and climbs through it. Grabs the Red Rupee in his mouth}  
  
Link: Yeah! I got some "bling-bling"! {Runs up fallen log} Whoa! {Sees two Bokoblins} Are you, like, the ghost of the stalker I saw back there?  
  
Bokoblin 1: [Ah! He knoooooooows! Must kiiiiiiiiiiiiiill!]  
  
Bokoblin 2: YOU KILLED MY MOMMY!  
  
Link: You have a mommy?  
  
Bokoblin 2: Err, no. Ganondorf made me.  
  
Link: EW! A MAN'S YOUR DAD?  
  
Bokoblin 1: NO YOU IDIOT! WE'RE CREATED! Link: Created? Ooh! Want me to show you how you'll be destroyed?  
  
Bokoblin 1: Okay.  
  
{POW! POW! goes Link's gun}  
  
Link: Haha! Ooh look at the girl hanging in the tree branch!  
  
Tetra: {wakes up and falls from the tree branch} OW! Stupid kid, why didn't you help me?  
  
Link: I have terrible aim.  
  
Gonzo: Miss, Miss Tetra! {Runs into the Forest of Faeries} Are you okay?  
  
Tetra: Uh-huh. Let's blow this joint.  
  
Gonzo: But this boy...  
  
Tetra: He didn't help me. Let's go.  
  
{Tetra and Gonzo leave. Link follows}  
  
Link: Ooh, it's a pretty birdy in the sky!  
  
Aryll: 'Hoooooooooy!  
  
Link: [Nooo! Not HER!]  
  
{Aryll runs across bridge. The "pretty birdy in the sky", which is really the Helmaroc King, picks up Aryll in his talons}  
  
Aryll: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! {screams}  
  
Link: Nooooo! Now I can never get those tarot cards! {Leaps over the cliff}  
  
{Tetra grabs him by the wrist}  
  
Tetra: No, you idiot! {Pulls Link up}  
  
Link: But I wanted her tarot cards...  
  
Tetra: You know, these readers are probably beginning to think that this "tarot card" thing is stupid.  
  
Link: {smiles} I know! That's why I do it.  
  
!?!?!?A WHILE LATER!?!?!?  
  
Tetra: WHAT! YOU WANT TO GO WITH US!  
  
Link: {nods and smiles}  
  
Tetra: Well, go get something to protect yourself with.  
  
{Link runs inside, goes to get the bullet proof shield, sees it isn't there, then climbs back down}  
  
Gran: I suppose you want this... {Holds out shield}  
  
Link: {sarcastically} No, Grandma, I just wanted to see if the corndogs were ready. DUH I WANT IT!  
  
Gran: THEN TAKE IT! {Chucks shield at Link. Link picks it up and goes outside}  
  
Link: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm – ow! WHAT WERE YOU POINT THAT GUN!  
  
Tetra: STOP DOING THAT STUPID "SPONGEBOB" THING!  
  
Link: Oh. {pauses} Do you think that if I rescue Aryll she'll give me here tarot cards?  
  
{Tetra rolls her eyes and gets in the helicopter (which looks kind of like a flying boat...)}  
  
Tetra: Okay, come on. Wave bye-bye.  
  
Link: No! {Sticks his tongue out at the Outsetters waving good-bye}  
  
Tetra: Well, here goes and adventure. Go and play with Niko.  
  
Link: Ooh, does he have tarot cards?  
  
Tetra: {throws Link down to where Niko is} NO YOU IDIOT!!! NO ONE OWNS TAROT CARDS! GODDESSES!  
  
Link: Oh. {turns to Niko} What're you gonna make me do?  
  
Niko: Hop across. {Does so} You'll get a prize!  
  
Link: Is it – ?  
  
Niko: NO! NO TAROT CARDS!  
  
Link: I WAS GOING TO ASK IF IT WAS A CARROT!  
  
Niko: [Liar.]  
  
{Link hops across the "obstacle course" and wins the prize – the Spoils Bag!}  
  
Link: Does it have tarot – ?  
  
Niko: NO!  
  
Tetra: 'Hoooooooooy! Link! We found the place you're looking for!  
  
Link: A physic shop?  
  
Tetra: NO!  
  
{Link goes up to the crow's nest with her. They look at the Forsaken Fortress. Tetra then winks and stuffs Link in a barrel}  
  
Link: HEY! WHAT'S YOUR EFFING PROBLEM!  
  
Tetra: Well, you wanna go into the Fortress, you can. Good-bye!  
  
{They catapult him into the Forsaken Fortress. Link screams like a little girl (I am a girl so I am not being sexist) and hits the wall. His gun flies into the air}  
  
Link: Nooooo! Now I've got no weapon!  
  
() Okay, that was chapter one. Reeeeaaally long, I know, but my internet is not working. If you don't like it, take us off Author Alert! Also, I was thinking that maybe I could have reviewers visit Link and help him, 'cause he needs all the help he can get! Well, review, you know the drill. HAHAHA! DRILL! Sorry, total randomness. Inside joke. DRILL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! () 


	2. The Searchlights and Voice!

CHAPTER TWO:  
  
{ and } = actions  
  
( and ) = random notes  
  
[ and ] = thoughts  
  
BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: MY GUN! MY PRETTIFUL GUUUUN! NOOOO! {Begins to cry and then walks up steps} Ooh, ah, pretty barrel.  
  
{Link goes inside of barrel and manages to avoid getting caught by searchlights. Somehow, the idiot gets to where the searchlights are}  
  
Link: [Prettiful light...Heh heh heh!] {Climbs up ladder and sees Bokoblin} AAAAAAH! IT'S THE GHOST OF THE OTHER BOKOBLIIIIIIIN! THE ONE WHO WANTED MY HAAAAAAAAAAAAT!  
  
Bokoblin 1: Chill out, whatcha yelling for?  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOO! NO AVRIL LAVIIIIIIIENGE! AAAAAAAARGH! BAD MEMORIES!  
  
!?!?FLASHBACK!?!?  
  
Aryll: Hey, Link, wanna listen to my new cd?  
  
Link: Okay.  
  
Aryll: Yay! {Puts Avril cd on. Aryll begins singing to the words}  
  
Link: OOOOOOOH! How do you know those words? You must be physic!  
  
Aryll: Err, no, they have the lyrics in here. {Gives little papery thingy to Link (you know, the thing they put in the cd case so that you can see lyrics)}  
  
Link: Ooh, lyrics!  
  
Aryll: Um, yeah.  
  
Link: MIIIIIIIINE! {runs away with papery thing}  
  
Aryll: NOOOOOO! {begins throwing cds like little discuses. One hits Link}  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAARGH! GRANDMA!  
  
Gran: {Comes out of shower} What is it, kiddo?  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAARGH! {runs away} I JUST SAW GRANDMA NAKED EEEEEWWW!  
  
!?!?FLASHBACK DONE!?!?  
  
Bokoblin 1: {Singing} Chill out, watcha yelling for? /Lay back, it's all been done before.../  
  
Link: AAAAAH! AVRIL LAVIENGE FAN! FOR THAT I WILL KILL YOU! {Kills Bokoblin 1} [Uh-oh, the prettiful light is gone...] {sobs}  
  
{Link climbs down and manages to get to the next searchlight}  
  
Link: Are you an Avril Lavienge fan?  
  
Bokoblin 2: Ew, no, that's GROSS! I like Michelle Branch.  
  
Link: Who?  
  
Bokoblin 2: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIYIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF MICHELLE BRANCH?! SHE'S, LIKE, THE HOTTEST FEMALE SINGER OUT THERE! {Begins to cry} I can't believe you don't know of Michelle Branch... {kills itself}  
  
Link: Nooooo! Prettiful lights...  
  
Bokoblin 2's Deku Stick: Um, readers might get tired of that joke.  
  
Link: What joke? The author's too serious!  
  
B2DS (Bokoblin's Deku Stick): Link...you're not supposed to know that this is a story by an author!  
  
Link: OOOOOOOH! How did you – {gets whacked by B2DS} OW!  
  
{Link runs away from B2DS and finds his way to the third searchlight}  
  
Link: Hey, Bokoblin 3!  
  
Bokoblin 3: Huh?  
  
Link: Well, that's your name, isn't it?  
  
Bokoblin 3: Nope. It's Sally!  
  
Link: Oh... {Looks confused}  
  
Sally: [Heh heh heh! He believes that my name is Sally when really it is WALLY!]  
  
Link: Say, Sally...will you do me a favor? It's very important.  
  
Sally: [Hahaha! He trusts me!] Sure, kiddo, what is it?  
  
Link: Will you get me Aryll's tarot cards – DID YOU JUST CALL ME KIDDO?!  
  
Sally: Err, yeah.  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! BAD MEMORIES! {Curls up in a little ball and rocks back and forth, quivering and whispered} A-avril Lavienge playing...Grandma n- n-naked...Coming out of th-th-th-the sh-shower...Grandma c-c-calling me "k-k- kiddo"...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  
  
Sally: Okaaaaaaaaaaay...  
  
Link: I WILL KILL YOU! {Grabs a Deku Stick and kills Sally, which was really Wally (Are you confused by the almost non-existent humor and the insaneness? Well, I am!)}  
  
Link: Yay! I defeated the prettiful light carriers!  
  
Voice: Um, Link, they didn't carry the lights. They, just...were there.  
  
Link: Who are you?  
  
Voice: YOUR CONSCIOUS!  
  
Link: Haha, very funny. Now who are you?  
  
Voice: No, seriously, Link, this is your conscious...And I have to say that this is the end of the chapter and thanks to...{checks e-mail} Oh, yeah, thanks to Brownblade and Atchika for reviewing this! If people like, I will add you into the fic and have you help Link...but you've got to say if you're male or female, and if you want to do something crazy. Heh heh heh! Authors can be so evil!  
  
Link: You're an author? But I thought that there were two authors under this pen name!  
  
Voice: Yeah, there are. But this fic is written by one of them: the one whose pen name used to be E.B. Keane-Farrell! [Review my stuff there!] Okay, that is all. 


	3. Annoying Truth or Dare!

CHAPTER THREE:  
  
{ and } = actions  
  
( and ) = random notes  
  
[ and ] = thoughts  
  
BEGIN!  
  
Link: So now what?  
  
Voice (which is really ME, the author! (heh heh heh)): Link, you're supposed to know.  
  
Link: Yeah but you're at your computer typing this at 7:35 am listening to Full Blown Rose and being freaked out because you had déjà vu and with your guide book next to you!  
  
Voice: Um, how did you know that?  
  
Link: I dunno.  
  
Voice: Okay, whatever! Anyways, Link, you have to go to 2F Room 1 and swing across the hanging rope, like you did with the pirates.  
  
Link: NO WAY!  
  
Voice: {sighs} Truth or Dare.  
  
Link: Dare!  
  
Voice: I dare you to go to 2F Room 1 and swing across the hanging rope, like you did with the pirates.  
  
Link: Okay! {Link does the Dare} Truth or Dare to YOU, Voice!  
  
Voice: Truth.  
  
Link: Are you really my conscious?  
  
Voice: No. Truth or Dare.  
  
Link: Dare.  
  
Voice: [Sheesh! This idiot has to be dared to do everything!] I dare you to push that crate over the edge.  
  
Link: Okay! {Pushes the crate over the edge} Truth or Dare!  
  
Voice: Whatever. Dare.  
  
Link: I dare you to sing "Lie to Me" by Full Blown Rose at then end of this chapter!  
  
Voice: FINE! Okay, Truth or Dare, Link.  
  
Link: Dare!  
  
Voice: [Does he even know that picking Truth will make him not have to do a Dare?] I dare you to...go under a barrel and sneak past two Moblins in the other room.  
  
Link: Okay! {Gets under a barrel and successfully sneaks past the Moblins} Hey, how did you get here before me?  
  
Voice: I'm invisible to everyone but you and the reader.  
  
Link: Okay. Truth or Dare.  
  
Voice: Truth.  
  
Link: Do you like Full Blown Rose?  
  
Voice: [Sheesh, what an idiot!] Yeah. Truth or Dare.  
  
Link: Dare.  
  
Voice: I dare you to...find out how to climb this Tower on your own!  
  
Link: As long as you sing "Lie to Me" at the end of this chappie!  
  
Voice: Okay.  
  
{Link walks up the Tower and finds a barrel. He uses the barrel to sneak past a Moblin. Link drops the barrel and then sidles a wall and goes across a narrow path. He then gets to another narrow path and sidles that, too, collecting two hearts. Link then runs and sees a Bokoblin}  
  
Link: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! It's Sally! {Sees gun} And my gun!  
  
Bokoblin: WTF? I'm not Sally! That was my GF!  
  
Link: You don't have to talk in IM words.  
  
Bokoblin: My mommy said she'd kill me if she heard me say what "WTF" and "GF" REALLY mean!  
  
Link: What do they really mean?  
  
Bokoblin: They mean... {Leans close to Link's ears and whispers what they really mean}  
  
Bokoblin's Mom: GABEY-WABEY! WHY ARE YOU SAYING THOSE WOOOOOORRRRDS!  
  
Gabey-Wabey (Bokoblin): Aaaaiiiiiiiyiiieeeeeeeeee! It's Mommy! Nooooo!  
  
{Bokoblin's Mom enters and takes a bayonet. Sticks Gabey-Wabey with the blade and shoots his head}  
  
Gabey-Wabey: Nooooooo...I wasn't supposed to die like thiiiiiis...  
  
Gabey-Wabey's Mom: Well you deserve it! No cookies for dessert because you whined!  
  
Gabey-Wabey: Nooooooo!  
  
Link: [Sheesh, what a bunch of idiots! Oh well. I'll just go and get my gun.] {Retrieved gun}  
  
Voice: You just got...your gun back! {Link shows the gun to the video-gamer (or, in this case, reader)} Make sure to keep it more protected!  
  
Link: Thanks, Voice. Well, I'm gonna go free Aryll and shoot some baddies. See ya!  
  
Voice: [Have fun. I doubt you'll succeed!]  
  
{Link enters the room where Aryll, Maggie, and Mila are. The girls look around}  
  
Link: Yo, sis, wassup in the hizzouse!  
  
Aryll: Link, what's wrong with you?  
  
Link: I dunno.  
  
Aryll: Well, GET ME OUT OF HEEEEEERE!  
  
Link: Okay. Let me blast apart the lock... {Takes out gun and aims for the lock. Suddenly, the Helmaroc King lands!}  
  
The girls and Link: Aaaaiiiiiiiyiiieeeeeeeeee!  
  
{The Bird King picks Link up in his beak and flies to where a man with red hair and green skin is}  
  
Red-Haired-Green-Skinned Man: Is this the boy?  
  
{Helmaroc King nods}  
  
Red-Haired-Green-Skinned Man: Then throw him far off into the ocean, and never let him return to the Forsaken Fortress.  
  
{Helmaroc King tosses Link away}  
  
Link: Aaaaaaaaaargh! Voooooice! Remember to siiiiiiiiiing!  
  
Voice: I thought he would forget {sob}.  
  
HERE COMES THE MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT OF...VOICE! (I'll just call myself E.B. because that's part of my pen name for another pen name)  
  
/ = another line  
  
= another verse  
  
E.B.: {singing} night fades away to sunlight/but there's apart of me that i left behind/Sweet words you said to convince me/Promises you made in the darknessAnd you lie to me, lie to me/All you ever do is lie to me/And you cry to me, cry to me/Did everything you could/to get a part of me/And you lie to me, lie to me/All you ever do is lie to/And you/cry to me, cry to me/Did everything you could to get a part of me/And you cry to me, cry to me, cry to meAnd Now/I feel like all the world is coming/Down/I feel my feet are/sinking in the ground/Hate myself/Cause I want you so bad/You bring me down, down, downLost in a dream/I was alright... {stops singing} That's all I know. Now, LEAVE! If you want to hear this ROCKIN' SONG, go to www.fullblownrose.com my FAVORITE website that hosts my FAVORITE band. Okay, got to go now and post this chaptero so that I can make the next chapter and annoying authors can come and annoy stupid Link yay! 


	4. Get a Sail, Dolt!

CHAPTER FOUR:  
  
{ and } = actions  
  
( and ) = random notes  
  
[ and ] = thoughts  
  
{Link is seen on the water. A red boat pulls up to him. The world fades to black}  
  
A WHILE LATER...  
  
Other Voice: Link? Liiiiink? WAKE UP IDIOT!  
  
Link: {wakes up} Whoa, dude! Who're YOU? You're, like, a boat.  
  
Boat: Derrrh. I'm the King of Red Lions.  
  
Link: Rockin'! Now, whatcha want?  
  
King: I want you to listen to me. You say the guy with the beard and green skin.  
  
Link: Tch! He's hard to miss.  
  
King: Well, that was Ganondorf. He's a baddie. You can shoot him.  
  
Link: Yaaaaaaaaay! Shoot the baddie! When?  
  
King: Be patient, idiot! Now, do you wanna save your sister?  
  
Link: No.  
  
King: Oh, um... {Awkward silence}  
  
Link: Got any tarot cards?  
  
King: NO! I know a chick who does, but she comes in later.  
  
Link: You know a baby chicken?  
  
King: NO! YOU CALL GIRLS "CHICKS"!  
  
Link: Oh.  
  
King: Now, do you wanna shoot baddies or not?  
  
Link: YEAH! SHOOT BADDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEES!  
  
King: Then let's go! Err, but I don't have a sail. Now go and talk to someone on the island and get me a sail!  
  
Link: {whining} Why?  
  
King: So that I can have a sail, stupid!  
  
Link: Why?  
  
King: So that you can shoot baddies!  
  
Link: Yaaaaaaay! {hops out of boat and runs onto island} Where do I go...?  
  
E.B.: HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Link: You again! I never heard you sing.  
  
E.B.: Look at the last chapter. Now, I'm going to bring in our guest star authoress...STORMY DREAMER!  
  
{Stormy Dreamer appears out of nowhere and so does E.B. The two female authors giggle}  
  
Stormy Dreamer: I like being in a fic!  
  
E.B.: I've been in a fic before, but it wasn't mine. Being in fics are funfunfun!  
  
Stormy Dreamer: Link, what do you need help with?  
  
Link: I need help with lots of things.  
  
E.B.: Wait...hold on...I just checked my e-mail and STEPHY WANTS TO JOIN US! YAAAAY!  
  
{Stephy appears next to the two authoresses}  
  
E.B.: Rock on! Okay, now we gotta help Link. Link, what do you want?  
  
Link: {looks very serious} I want a pony...and ice cream...and a horsy...and a stallion...and a mare...and a car...and my own boat that doesn't talk about baby chickens...and a baby chicken...and a sail...and Aryll's tarot cards...  
  
Stormy Dreamer: Tarot cards? Hey, I have some of those but I won't give you any! HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Link: I WANT TAROT CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS! {Begins to chase Stormy Dreamer around the island}  
  
Stephy: E.B., you seriously have made Link into some demented fiend.  
  
E.B.: Heh heh heh...I know! That's what I do best. Now, what did Link what before Aryll's tarot cards?  
  
Stephy: A sail.  
  
E.B.: Right! OI, LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!  
  
Link: Yeah? {Still chases Stormy Dreamer for tarot cards}  
  
Stephy: Give us 80 Rupees!  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Stephy: So's we can buy you a sail!  
  
Link: Okay! Here, take these! {Rupees magically appear in front of E.B. and Stephy}  
  
E.B.: See? I can do anything I want.  
  
Stephy: So in the other chapter you made yourself sing? You made Link dare you to sing?  
  
E.B.: {grins} Yep!  
  
Stephy: Why?  
  
E.B.: Because I felt like it. And it was playing on my computer while I was typing this.  
  
Stephy: Okay.  
  
E.B.: HEY, STORMY DREAMER! IT'S TIME TO GET OUT OF THIS FIC!  
  
Stormy Dreamer: Huh? {Link tackles her} OOMPH!  
  
Link: Haha, now I can get those tarot cards!  
  
Stormy Dreamer: Good luck, but they're back on Earth. Why don't you buy yourself an ice cream and then some tarot cards?  
  
Link: Because ice cream and tarot cards taste awful together.  
  
{E.B. and Stephy go off to buy a sail. They then bring it back to Link}  
  
Stephy: Here! Go see your boat. Give him this sail.  
  
E.B.: Stormy, Stephy, you gotta go back to Earth. I'm in Hyrule – I mean, the Great Sea – only because I have special powers. Good luck writing your own fics!  
  
Stormy Dreamer and Stephy: Bye! {They disappear}  
  
Link: Where's the baby chicken that the King mentioned?  
  
E.B.: Uuuuuuuugh! You idiot! Sometimes I think that I should've made this a serious fic and have you be smart, not stupid!  
  
Link: But that's why you love me, right?  
  
E.B.: Yeah, sure... [cough cough NO cough cough]  
  
Link: I'm gonna go and deliver this to the King. Adios!  
  
E.B.: Link, Spanish is an Earth language.  
  
Link: Oh...Okay! Well, byyyyyyyyyyyye!  
  
E.B.: Yeah, bye, whatever. JUST LEAVE! I NEED TO FINISH THIS CHAPTER!  
  
{Link leaves and the chapter ends}  
  
E.B.: So there was the fourth chapter. If you want to be in another chapter, tell me your sex and what you want me to have you do. Nothing specific, just stuff like "act crazy" or "help Link with puzzles". Okay? Okay. 


	5. Meet Prince Komali

CHAPTER FOUR:  
  
{ and } = actions  
  
( and ) = random notes  
  
[ and ] = thoughts  
  
A/N: I was thinking...I have never been flamed. I should be grateful, but I'm not. Why? Because. I don't know. But, listen: there may be people out there who want to flame me, but you can, and I don't care. Why? Because I'm sick of so many of you jerks going around screeching, "You're awful!" when they don't even have a fic. So I'm just saying, flame me if you want. I'll be glad for the review.  
  
Link: So now what? I have a sail.  
  
King: Put the sail on me and then sail in the direction of the wind. The little yellow arrow-y thingy tells you what direction the wind is blowing in.  
  
Link: Ooh, aah! {Sets sail for Dragon Roost Island}  
  
A BIT LATER...  
  
E.B.: Link, King! There's the island!  
  
Link and King: Ooh and aah! {Link hops out of the boat and walks along the beach}  
  
Link: E.B., what are these plants?  
  
E.B.: These are called Bomb Plants in Wind Waker, but in Modern Version they're known as the Missile Plants. No matter how bad aim you have, they go to where you want!  
  
Link: Rockin'! Um, but can't I just use my guns to blast them apart?  
  
E.B.: No, stupid!  
  
Link: Why?  
  
E.B.: Because this is my fic.  
  
Link: Makes sense to me!  
  
E.B.: Link, everything makes sense to you and – oh, timmad!  
  
Link: "Timmad"?  
  
E.B.: Read it backwards. Anyways, I forgot to add in you getting the Wind Waker! Sheeshes, I can be so dumb! {Sends Link back to the King of Red Lions}  
  
King: Link, before you go, take this!  
  
Link: What is it? {Takes Wind Waker from King}  
  
King: A piece of wood painted white. It directs wind. Keep it for "good luck", even though it does nothing to help your luck! You need the author to help you with this!  
  
Link: Yep! That's why she's on my side! {Goes back to the Voice of E.B} So, E.B., where were we?  
  
E.B.: Pick up the stupid Missile Plant and chuck it at that rock!  
  
Link: Okay! {Does so} Wheeee! {Rock explodes} Hey, E.B., Truth or Dare?  
  
E.B.: NO! NO TRUTH OR DARE! I WANT YOU TO MEET KOMALI BY THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! GO!  
  
{Link destroys rocks and sees the "funny-looking postman"}  
  
Quill: Wow, like, Link, you, like, made it from, like, Outset to, like, Dragon Roost, like, Island without, like, wings. That's, like, impossible. Like.  
  
Link: Um, Quill, do you have to use "like" all the time?  
  
Quill: Like, um, yah! Like, Link, do you, like, think that I'm, like, a traitor to, like, my, like, tribe?  
  
Link: I never said that...  
  
Quill: Well, that's, like, good, like, because you're gonna, like, come and meet the, like, totally awesome Chieftain. He's, like, totally awesome! Like, follow me! {Quill flies off}  
  
Link: {moaning} E.B., WHY did you make him be one of those people who say, "like" and "totally" and repeat themselves? Boohoohoohoohoo!  
  
E.B.: Shuttup, Link, and go meet Medli.  
  
{Link goes inside and meets the Chieftain, who explains about Valoo's trouble}  
  
Chief: {speaks with Western twang and something else...} Y'see, tharr's ben a bet o' a prablim. We dunno wat's goin' awn wid Valoo. GO AND SALVE ET!  
  
Link: Can I get tarot cards out of it?  
  
Ritos: NO!  
  
Link: Okay. {Sighs} Then I won't do it...  
  
E.B.: LINK I DARE YOU TO GO MEET MEDLI AFTER GETTING A DELIVERY BAG FROM THE CHEIFTAIN!  
  
Chieftain: Tak this bawg.  
  
Link: Okay! {Link takes bag and then runs up slope and sees Medli}  
  
Medli: Wow, you really do have green clothes on!  
  
Link: Yep! And I have a gun. But for some strange reason whenever I go to take out my gun this crazy noise sounds.  
  
Medli: I think it's saying not to take out the gun.  
  
Link: Oh. Can I take out tarot cards?  
  
Medli: [Idiot!] No. Anyways, give this letter to Komali.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Medli: So that you can shoot baddies. Then go and meet me at the entrance to Dragon Roost Cavern.  
  
Link: Okay! {Runs to Komali's room and gives him the letter}  
  
Komali: Huh, he's telling me to be brave. Well, if I'm supposed to go and get my wings with Valoo having mood swings, then I quit!  
  
Link: Quit what?  
  
Komali: Being a Rito prince.  
  
Link: Okay. Now I gotta meet Medli!  
  
Komali: Okay. Bye.  
  
E.B.: End of chapter! Okay, from now on I'll just say "Me" instead of "E.B.". Authors can come in two chapters from now. I think Link will be in Dragon Roost Cavern then, and might even get to the boss! Yaaaaay!  
  
Link: I dare you to sing the Pepto-Bismol commercial song!  
  
E.B.: You!  
  
Link: Um, I don't know all of it. But here it goes and here's what I know! {Singing} Headache, heartache, stomach pains, diarrhea! Yay Pepto-Bismol! {Stops singing} That good enough for you? Now, we're done.  
  
EB.: GOOD-BYE! PLEASE REVIEW! 


End file.
